Rev. Kirsten Fryer knows countless people with a relationship broken or at odds because of politics.

Even among those with shared Christian values, or in the same congregation, Fryer finds that people still talk over one another, refusing to listen.

"We get into those debate situations and we can't hear what the other person is saying underneath," she said. In an election that feels more divisive than ever, Fryer wanted to find a way for her congregation to come together.

So she tried something new.

The Minnesota Council of Churches (MCC) recently launched a new iteration of its Respectful Conversations initiative, and is now bringing facilitated discussions on the election across the state. They hope it will cultivate more empathy and curiosity in Minnesota communities, rather than division.

Fryer helped lead MCC's first election conversation on Aug. 14, for around 30 attendees at her St. Paul church, Bethlehem Lutheran in the Midway.

"It brought some of the stress down from what can be a very stressful conversation for people," she said.

"Our mission is to manifest unity in the body of Christ by building the common good in the world," said Rev. Jerad Morey, director of strategic relations for MCC. He expects 450 to 550 people to participate in the series before the November election.

Upcoming conversations will be hosted Tuesday at Saint Barnabas Lutheran in Plymouth and Wednesday at Our Saviors Lutheran in Cloquet. A non-church affiliated conversation is scheduled for Oct. 1 at the Eagan Community Center.

"To anybody who wants to have a better conversation, anybody who's tired of arguing with a stereotype they've got in their head of the person on the other side," Morey said, "this is an ideal opportunity for them."

Polarization in the pews

Losing a congregation to political divide is, "like losing a family member or becoming alienated from a family member," according to Bill Doherty, co-founder of Braver Angels, a nonprofit focused on polarization. It's distressing, and often leads to an "agonizing process" of deciding whether to stay.

The Pew Research Center found that across six key issue areas — foreign policy, the environment, the budget deficit, immigration, gun policy and abortion — the share of U.S. adults who believe there is some common ground between Democrats and Republicans has dropped by an average of 12 points since 2023.

In another survey, conducted in 2023, it found that 65% of Americans said they always or often feel exhausted when thinking about politics. More than half said it makes them angry. When asked what words best summarized their feelings about politics, "divisive" and "corrupt" came up most frequently.

Simultaneously, communal faith spaces are losing their cultural importance. In 2024, 80% of U.S. adults told Pew Research that religion's role in American life is shrinking.

"There's always movement in and out of religious congregations," Doherty said. "But I don't believe that we've had this sort of political dynamic in the past, certainly in my lifetime."

Naming polarization division as a problem and explicitly encouraging political inclusiveness is the antidote, Doherty said.

Debate into dialogue

Respectful Conversations first began in 2012, following Christian debate on a proposed Minnesota constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage that later failed with voters. Caught in the crossfire between different opinions in various congregations, MCC leaders felt it was time to step in, hoping facilitated conversations would fend off "toxic" debate.

They quickly discovered the project helped turn that debate into dialogue, according to Morey. Longitudinal surveys after the first few conversations found that attendees still felt a greater sense of empathy and curiosity months later.

Since 2012, the program has reached over 8,000 Minnesotans in 300 conversations — with topics ranging from race and policing to guns. Over time, Morey said, the program has improved its discussion practices and evaluation methods.

According to the MCC, on average, 70% of participants report a stronger sense of empathy for people with different viewpoints after attending a conversation, and 95% said they felt listened to. Months after, participants still report positive changes in their family relationships and greater awareness of their listening habits.

After securing partnerships with Stanford University and Michigan State University last year, Morey said, the MCC has also seen decreases in polarization among attendees.

"We found a way to help people love their enemy and love their neighbor, and that was a natural fit," Morey said.

The conversations open with a meal and are typically structured in three parts, beginning with a broad question about the election.

Then, attendees are asked to share the life experiences and values that shape their perspective. From there, the questions deepen. In each cycle, participants are given a minute of silence to consider their answer before everyone answers individually, without interruption.

It closes with 20 minutes of back and forth, where attendees are encouraged to ask "questions of genuine interest," and share any "moments of understanding" they had when hearing each other speak. Lead facilitator Joan Haan summarized what attendees wrote in exit surveys.

"There's an urgency and with regard to this election, and it's stressful to talk about it, but the respectful conversations process gave them a framework to voice the stress," she said. Others said, "We can have meaningful conversations even when we disagree," and "We need more people to participate in this kind of experience."

Potential limitations

The MCC's 27 members represent regional governing bodies across many denominations. From Historic Black Churches to Mennonites, mainline Protestants to National Baptists, the council's members cover a range of political leanings. No non-denominational systems are on the council because each member must have a formal governing body — but Morey said the MCC partners frequently with non-denominational congregations.

Fryer's church and the two set to host next are all Evangelical Lutheran Church in America churches — largely considered a more progressive denomination. Haan acknowledged that the first conversation in the series at Bethlehem Lutheran saw little political diversity among attendants.

Churches must voluntarily reach out to host a conversation with the MCC, and the current schedule only includes Lutheran faith communities or secular hosts. Attempts to reach leaders at large non-denominational Christian churches outside the MCC for their thoughts on the conversations initiative did not receive a response.

The MCC has a truth and reparations team focused on "dismantling the structures and repairing the damage of racism" to Black and Indigenous communities across the state. Given that commitment, the MCC considers some topics — like racism — difficult ones to tackle in this project.

"That's a case where justice is the greater issue than empathy and community are in that space," he said. In that case, the MCC believes that direct organizing efforts are more effective than conversation.

When asked whether the truth and reparations team may turn some away from the initiative, Morey said conservatives "who feel like they might be targeted in a space like that," should know the conversations are strict "free speech zones."

"The entire conversation is designed only for you to be able to share your story," Morey said. "We don't even evaluate whether a person's mind has been changed about the topic in the first place. All we evaluate for is: do you have a better understanding of the people with whom you disagree?"