Of the 832 things Minnesota sports fans should be asking for this week, here's my top 11:
A trade
Wolves boss Tim Connelly is such a great wheeler-dealer? Let's see him trade for someone who can improve the Wolves' rebounding, defense and three-point shooting.
Like Karl-Anthony Towns.
New owners
Twins fans deserve a multibillionaire owner who will increase the team's payroll and be humble enough to defer to the organization's true baseball experts. In other words, Twins fans need the Wilfs.
A title
I don't believe anyone in sports "deserves" anything. You get what you earn. You get what you get.
While I don't believe the Vikings or their fans "deserve" a Super Bowl title, I would like to see it happen. The current iteration of the Vikings is as likable and professional as any since I came to town in 1990 to cover the team. I'd like to see this group earn a title, and I'd like to finally stop hearing Vikings fans whining about their plight. Folks, you could be without a Super Bowl title and be carrying the weight of a hundred excruciating losses, and have to live in Buffalo, Cleveland or, heaven forbid, Jacksonville. Stop drinking the mulled whine.
A new arena
Target Center is a worn-out old joint. I'd like to see the Wolves' owners — whoever winds up owning the team — build a new arena. With their own money.
Sports ownership makes very rich people much richer. We don't need to help them with tax dollars that could be better spent on … anything.
A Royce roll
Royce Lewis had always been a joy to watch or speak with, until late last season, when his bat went cold and he questioned whether he should be asked to play second base without being given time to prepare. Here's hoping that a bad answer and a bad slump were aberrations, because nobody has brought Target Field to life like Lewis.
A Wild ride
The Wild's strong start will mean nothing if they can't win a playoff series. They'll need better luck with their health, and continued dominance from goalie Filip Gustavsson, to make that happen.
Gophers relevance
Ben Johnson seems like a capable coach. He's recruited good players, only to have them rescind their commitments or leave Minnesota early. Williams Arena has the feel of an empty train station. I don't want to see Johnson fired, but he'll need a miracle, or the promise of an excellent recruiting class, to keep his job at this point.
A different dress
Clearly, to win a title, the Lynx need to play the deciding game of the finals at home, so WNBA Commissioner Cathy Engelbert can wear a dress depicting the Stone Arch Bridge, and give them the benefit of the occasional call.
Unrivaled success
Napheesa Collier has gone from being an overachiever to being an all-star to being one of the world's best players and an entrepreneur. May her new league, Unrivaled, become a big enough success that American women basketball players can make a good living without leaving the U.S.
Hasty healing
The Gophers women's basketball team has been described as promising for three years now. And they actually might be if star Mara Braun can return in a timely manner from another foot injury.
Perspective
Stop me if you've heard this one: Minnesota's men's professional sports teams haven't won a title since 1991. The Vikings haven't reached the Super Bowl since Jan. 9, 1977. The Twins haven't played in a World Series since '91. The Wild have never won a title, nor have the Timberwolves or Loons.
Two tips for those obsessing about titles: You might want to watch the Lynx more often. And you might want to change your view of sports as a vehicle for entertainment, not personal fulfillment.
I started writing a column in 2004, when this market was filled with incompetence and incompetents.
None of the current bosses are guaranteed to win you a title, but the level of professionalism and intelligence in key management positions has never been higher.
And with that I bid you happy, or at least tolerable, holidays.